Strangers in Fiction
by jointslashcrack
Summary: Crackfic - Two not so normal girls are pulled into the world of Naruto, but what happens when its not exactly what everyone expects? Why are they there? Why is Tobi so happy! - A tale of action, romance, comedy and fillers... y'know, the good stuff.
1. Prologue to Insanity

**WARNING**: This fanfic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

_**Other warnings may include**_**:** Character bashing, MarySues, AU-ness and hilarity.

**Disclaimer: **By the way, we don't own anything except well... you'll see.

--

_**Prologue to Insanity**_

One pitch black morning in somewhere in this world, two girls were IMing each other. You could call them best friends, though they themselves are still confused as to this matter. Honestly, how can you call one person the best if you had no one else?

_Melody(12:20:23am):_ Dude, I hear bells.

_Psychosis(12:20:33am):_ Seriously? Isn't this like that one time you claimed you heard the Akatsuki bells?

See now, Girl1 (Whom we will call Melody which you know, isn't her real name) is entirely obsessed with the anime Naruto. Girl2 (Called Psychosis, which actually may be her real name or at least true nature) entirely despises the anime Naruto.

_Melody(12:21:01am):_ No, I'm freaking serious. The sound's like right at my door.

_Psychosis(12:21:04am):_ PSH

Melody was approximately 5'2-4" short and vaguely Hispanic looking with brown medium length hair, brown eyes. Psychosis, on the other hand, was approximately 4'9–11", somewhat Asian looking with short brown hair, brown eyes and glasses. Both are pale. (Melody claims to be darker than Psychosis, but we all know how that goes.)

_Psychosis(12:23:03am):_ Hey, you still there?

_Psychosis(12:45:46am):_ Dude?

_Psychosis(01:24:35am):_ Seriously, this isn't funny...

**Psychosis has gone Away**

(Psychosis will now be known as psyke, Melody will now be known as melo)

melo(04:28:38am): Oh Emm Gee... The Akatsuki stole me!

psyke(04:29:01am): ...This isn't even funny any more. Tell me, if you're with the Akatsuki, in the world of Naruto, how the hell are you IMing me?

melo(04:29:13am): ...Tobi has AIM.

Their relationship is strange because they (rightly) believe that their abuses of each other kept each other sharp and actually brought them closer together. This was not one of those times.

psyke: ...

melo: No, I'm serious!

psyke: ... right.

melo: No! His password is swirl13c4nd13can3z! I sw3ar!! I mean swear.

psyke: I'm coming over. I need to get you some help.

melo: Fine, see for yourself.

psyke: Seriously, how the F#-- am I supposed to do that? If you are in the Naruto world as you say you are then you're obviously not at home! And, even if you aren't then that's not even proof because you could just be in another location IMing me from "this world."!!

melo: ... Don't forget to bring your laptop and AC plug.

**psyke has disconnected**

_--Whoooo000oooOOOooooaH a page break!!--_

Psyke indeed had not forgotten her laptop, nor her AC plug. She also carried an extra set of clothes. Hey, the bag was large and her sister was allergic to cats. What the hell else is a person supposed to do when their best friend is obsessed with cats? She also had an extra set of underwear. And a knife. (Having a paranoid mother sorely clipped away any space that was in the bags you carried.) She also carried pads, food, water, snacks, gel, writing utensils, paper (in a waterproofed package) and... well, to make a long story short(er) let's just say... she was well prepared. She pushed the grate to the yard open with a creak of hinges. It was eerily quiet. The rustle of a bush caught her attention. Jingle (no, it was not the Akatsuki.)

"Mrowr." She froze. Then she turned her head s-l-o-w-l-y... Shiver. _Ye gods, its Merlin!_ (No not Merlin the wizard, nor marlin the fish... Merlin, the evil black cat.) She stared at him... He stared at her. An evil grin. She gulped and shook like blancmange.

"Mrowr." A small step forward. She ran for it. _Second door, not the first..._She stumbled past the first door and hastily used the handle of the second to stop her ungainly run. She skidded and accidentally pulled the door open, inertia causing her to swing with it. Suddenly, a hand grabbing the strap of the over sized bag she carried stopped her motion. Painfully.

"Oof!" _Ouch. That one's gunna leave a mark._

"You! You're part of the Akatsuki aren't you?! You're coming with me!"

"HUH?!" A freakishly dressed teen pulled her unceremoniously into the house with the strength of a gorilla (and most likely the intelligence equivalent.)

"**WHAT THE F#KC?!"**

--

A/N: And just in case you're scared of the strange format (aka IMs and bad perspective flips), never fear. The format will likely only be used one time other than this. Also, the rest of the fic will be written in third person omniscient. Don't worry, this is just the prologue.


	2. Jack in the Crack

**A/N:** There is a little discontinuity and choppiness with the timeline so pay attention to the conveniently placed timestamps. Have fun people.

--

Melo rubbed her eyes groggily as she began to wake up. She had her music player/cell phone with her and decided to check the day and time.

_Good morning Ms.VaguelyHispanicLookin'! It is Thursday 1:07 A.M._

The words were seared into her eyes by the overly bright digital display. She blinked away random bursts of color behind her eyelids.

"Oh good, you're awake!" Tobi hummed happily. _Oh yeah, kidnapped by ninjas. Almost forgot. _Melo took in her surroundings as she regained her memory of what occurred a few minutes ago.

"Dude, I didn't know ninjas could drive." Melo remarked to no one, and began snooping through the contents of the AkatsukiMobile. _Sock, joint, nail polish, dolphin plushy, dead rat... wtf, is that a dirty diaper? _Sasuke, who was in the backseat of Tobi's car with Melo, stared at the girl intently. Sasuke could deny the urge to ask no longer...he had to know if it was true.

"So...you're sure you aren't Asian?"

"I'M NOT ASIAN." Melo hissed while swiping at Sasuke's cheek. Melo had gained many of her cats' qualities, namely hissing.

"Tch whatever Ms.VaguelyHispaniclookin'," Sasuke sneered. "Madara, remind me **why** we decided to kidnap her."

"Tobi was very bored, so Tobi decided to steal girl." Tobi responded brightly while putting his left blinker on to change lanes.

"HEY NO! WRONG EXIT!! TURN LEFT! LEFT!!" Melo bellowed while grabbing onto the steering wheel. The car swerved like a drunk during a sobriety test.

"WHAT IN KYUUBI'S NAME DID YOU DO THAT FOR?! YOU ALMOST GOT US KILLED!" Sasuke shouted while trying to control his heavy breathing.

"...I wanted Jack N' Box" Melo replied, now being shoved off of the steering wheel by Tobi.

"You...almost got us killed for...burgers?" Tobi sweatdropped. "You didn't think to just, you know _ask_?"

"Well you know…" Melo poked at the roof of the car, "being kidnapped I assumed you wouldn't listen to my demands."

Tobi chuckled "See Sasuke, Tobi knew that this was going to be fun." Tobi directed the car into the parking space of the fast food chain.

"Yeah fun. My left ass cheek and his brother..." Sasuke grumbled angrily.

"Uh...not that I don't appreciate you meeting my food demands but ah... I suggest we go through the drive thru." Melo said carefully. Tobi got out of the car along with Sasuke.

"Why would we do that? We're going to be in the car afterwards." Tobi said.

"…Fine suit yourself." Melo hopped out of the car.

Melo decided to walk (inconspicuously) behind the two oddly dressed males as they entered the door. Even at the butt-crack-of-dawn (cleverly disguised as "morning"), the hustle and bustle of a fast food chain never really died down, especially if they were conveniently located near a freeway. However, as though a baby got shot, an eerie silence descended upon the entire store as the door jingled signaling customers. The customers just so happened to be the two ninjas Sasuke and Tobi. Unfortunately for the sanity of those in the store, it was not a convention week so there was no 'Oh freaks in costumes that's normal this time of year' excuse in their heads. There were just two males dressed in oversized flamboyant clothing (one of which had a sword sticking out) in their store. Ordering cheese burgers.

_Oh so that's what she meant._

After much hassle, the three were back in the car. Tobi began to drive faster and faster as they sped through the conveniently empty freeway.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Melo shrieked.

"What do you think Ms.VaguelyHispanicLooking? This is our stop!" Tobi shouted happily as he gunned the gas pedal and smashed into the 'DEAD END' sign.

"MY NAME IS MELO!!" Melo screamed as she slammed her eyes shut, thinking Tobi was so high off of the polluted air that he must've been crazy enough to commit suicide.

"So…should we tell her we're not dead?"

She cracked one eye open to discover the car had disappeared and that she was now in fetal position on top of a rock.

"Nah, this is more fun." Tobi chuckled. Melo opened her eyes to find both males staring down on her.

"Mels, welcome to Akatsuki lair." Tobi spoke and swept a (what he thought was) grand gesture, showcasing their surroundings. Melo turned around to see the rainbow colored neon sign that prominently displayed 'EVIL LAIR' over the entryway.

"I take it you never get lost on the way back…" Melo sweat dropped.

_Good Morning Ms.VaguelyHispanicLo__okin'__. It is Thursday 3:42 A.M. _


	3. Psychosis

_Thursday (06:23:58am) Konoha Village_

Psyke sat tied up to a chair in what looked to be this "hokage" person's room.

"And I like, totally defeated her in one blow!!" The super-idiot with blond hair shouted with intense enthusiasm and practically danced around the desk of the "hokage" chick with large dunks. Psyke looked around seeing a dark haired teen with a belly shirt (A belly shirt of all things!) and two white haired older dudes. One was hefty (don't get Glad, get Hefty!) and the other rather stringy looking and reading a book. How he managed to read with only one eye without getting a headache she didn't know. Decidedly disinterested in whatever was to happen, she fell asleep.

"This girl's in the Akatsuki! I can feel it in my bones!" The snot bubble that'd formed in her sleep decided to pop and woke her (not to mention the orange jumpsuit clad dumbass was loud.)

"You're going to feel it in your bones either way. I am not in the Akatsuki, douche bag! As soon as I get untied I'm beating your funky ass down!" The others, being startled, twitched when her voice echoed sharply through the room. (They were used to tuning the idiot out by now, but Psyke was in drama and learned voice projection.) The boy blew her words off.

"Whatever. Where's Sasuke?!" Psyke considered for a moment.

"Give me my bag. I have my I.D. in there. I'll _prove_ that I'm not part of the Akatsuki." Tsunade held up a hand.

"Hold on. First of all, we checked your bag and it had a knife. There were also several questionable objects in it. We're ninjas, not idiots." _Could've fooled me. _The woman's tone of voice said she'd dealt with Naruto for much too long. She was starting to talk to _everyone_ like they were retarded. Psyke shot a look of utter disbelief at the large breasted woman.

"Seriously? You people are deluded. Freaking cosplayers. I bet I'm laying in Melo's yard, knocked out because I hit my head and her cats are peeing on me. I really need to wake up. Especially because I'm seeing Naruto. Its good that he hasn't multiplied, one is bad enough."

"WHERE'S SASUKE?!" The blue eyed sh#t head bellowed unceremoniously. Psyke winced and her eye twitched in annoyance.

"Sauce-oo-kay... Uke? You don't look like a seme." Psyke snorted. Jiraya spewed his tea, Sai nearly dropped his cup and Kakashi fell out of his chair.

"HUH?!" Exclaimed Naruto at his usual volume. Tsunade just shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose like she had a headache. She sighed.

"Really Naruto, we don't have time for this. The Chunnin exams are coming up soon and we really need to prepare for it."

"Hey Naruturd!" Psyke snapped. "Little git, I need to get out of here, find my friend and get some decent rest. So if you mind can you untie me, moron?

"Friend?" Tsunade's brow wrinkled. (At the rate she was going she was going to get a permanent wrinkle there. Especially if she kept being around Naruto.) Psyke's comment garnered the attention of all three adults and the unusually sharp (that is to say... Not Naruto) teen. Psyke huffed.

"Yes friend, she told me that she was stolen by the Akatsuki. I need to get both of us some professional help or something because I'm having delusions too! Hey! Belly shirted bastard! Untie me!" The adults in the room suppressed snorts that sounded suspiciously like laughter. Later, they would claim it was just lack of sleep.

_Thursday (07:12:02am)_

--

A/N: Okay so we've been getting absolutely ZERO reviews. Granted, its only been a day. Psyke has a theory and that its that there aren't any pairings so when people filter it doesn't get placed with anything and that there are simply too many fics popping up and this one gets lost. True?

Hate to do this but... Please review? We'll make it have pairings or something... SasuNaru sounds good... KakaIru too... so, reviews?


	4. Me, Myself and We

**DISCLAIMER:** May contain insanity, strong language and strange themes. And really people. Review? Oh right, we don't own Naruto or any associated objects.

--

_Good Morning Ms.VaguelyHispanicLookin'! It is Thursday 8:05 A.M. You have __**one**__ new message._

_Ok, so you weren't joking on that "Akatsuki coming to get you" crap. I thought you were on sugar again. Anyway I'm here with Narutard. –Psyke_

"Huh... so Psyke managed to get here too," Melo blinked "well, I should start planning on finding her." Sasuke hasn't been out a lot (namely forever) so he snatched the phone from Melo and began staring intently staring at the small black device. Melo attempted to seize the object but failed.

The two ninjas plus Melo were currently walking down the dim lighted hallway entering a bigger room. To Melo the room looked similar to that of a den the colors of the room featured red and black. _Typical, Akatsuki colors._ Melo sighed.

"Ok, so what does Tobi intend on doing to Melo?" Melo decided to steal Tobi's method of speaking.

"Tobi plans on exchanging you for information." Melo was now confused. _Information...on what? The wonders of how much fast food a girl can eat?_ Melo turned around to see she was not alone, all the Akatsuki members were currently doing... _things. _Itachi was playing speed with Kisame, Deidara was drawing with Sasori, Konan was folding paper, Kakuzu was arguing with Hidan, and Pain was watching T.V.

"Freaky…" Melo sweat dropped. "Aren't you guys suppose to be doing hardcore training in the forest or something?" All the members stopped their actions to glare at the girl. "Forget I asked." Melo nervously replied. Tobi cleared his voice to get Melo's attention again. Melo turned towards Tobi again only to see Orochimaru right next to him.

"Hey you're looking well Michael Jackson --I mean Orochimaru." Melo laughed. Orochimaru was confused at the first name Melo addressed him as.

"Sasuke and Asian girl come with me." Orochimaru spoke. Sasuke obeyed orders while dragging Melo who was fuming while mumbling 'I'mnotasianyoupedo.' Tobi waved happily at the two teens. Melo being bored decided to strike a conversation with Orochimaru.

"So why are you still here Orochimaru? Aren't you suppose to be with your sound village or something?"

"What are you talking about?" Orochimaru asked. Sasuke smacked his forehead, exasperated. He couldn't believe Orochimaru decided to talk to Melo. Was the girl's stupidity going to infect everyone? The girl simply had that effect on people, much like Naruto.

"You know your group of boy-toys that are suppose to be your new bodies and what not." Melo responded while still being dragged by Sasuke. Orochimaru abruptly stopped walking causing Sasuke to collide into him.

"Tell me more." Orochimaru replied.

"Well you're in luck. Watch this movie and everything will become clear!" Melo said gleefully. She handed Orochimaru the thin DVD case. Sasuke managed to see the title. _Sound Of Music_. Sasuke twitched even though he had no idea what the hell Melo just gave Orochimaru but he knew, just knew it wouldn't turn out well for his sanity.

_Oh God._

Hours later Orochimaru was dragging Melo, Sasuke, and Kabuto (who popped out of nowhere) to some open field shouting "THIS IS BRILLIANT!"

_Good Afternoon Ms.VaguelyHispanicLookin'. It is 1:13 P.M._


	5. So we herd u lyke mudkipz?

**WARNING**: It has been suggested that if you are reading this fic for the (almost) storyline that you do not read this chapter. There is very little - read; close to none - relevant information in this chapter so you don't actually have to read it. This is a filler chapter. Yeah, remember that one episode of Naruto where team seven tries to take off Kakashi's mask and it was really funny? ...This is nothing like that.

_Another WARNING:_ May contain sad attempts at humor.

* * *

_Friday (03:43:56pm)_

psyke: Dude, I've been waiting forever for you to sign on... Hey, why is your IP address different?

melo: Dunno... Oro-pipi suddenly moved me, Sasugay and Kabby to some random empty field and Kabby finally got the internet running. That boy is too obsessed WOW

psyke: Hold on, I thought you were with the Akatsuki. Why are you with Michael Jackson!?

melo: Well actually, he hadn't left the Akatsuki yet and I...

psyke: I bet you mentioned to him the Sound village

melo: Well I mean... kinda? Not really... I mean...

psyke: Stop stalling. What happened.

melo: Well... I kinda... showedhimthesoundofmusic

psyke: WTF!? Why'd you do that for!?

melo: Dunno... I found it in the back of the AkatsukiMobile and I kinda still was holding onto it when I got here...

psyke: And I'm sure you found a dirty baby diaper in the back of that van too.

melo: How'd you know?

psyke: I'm psychic. (Freaking bachelors) Just don't show him Napolean Dynamite.

melo: Why? (Why the heck was there a diaper in the first place?)

psyke: Do you _want_ to be singing "Looooove it is a riiivverrr..." 24/7?! Or would you like to be called "Lah-fawn-duh."

melo: ...Good point. But ah... uh...

psyke: What now?

melo: ...Our Alma Mater is...

psyke: Just spit it out. It'll be less painful.

melo: "_Favorite things_."

_Par Deux (05:38:38pm)_

psyke: Yeah, its pretty funny because they call me "Saiki" because of their bad accents.

melo: HAHAHA... WTF?!

psyke: What is it?

melo: Tobi just popped up behind me!

psyke: Well yeah, you just came from the Akatsuki. What do you exp--

melo: NO! I MEAN HE DIDN'T COME WITH US AND ORO-PIPI DIDN'T TELL ANYONE!!

psyke: Its not that hard to figure out where you are. I mean come on, you're on the edge of Konoha, mooching off of their internet (and cable probably.)

melo: What?! Really? It just looked like an empty field to me!

psyke: Well yeah, that's what your IP address says. I've been tracking you. I bet Sasugay knows.

melo: Yeah well...Holy Shxt!

psyke: What? Did Sasugay just pop up behind you?

melo: ... well yeah...

psyke: Well what did you expect, first of all he's a ninja and second of all he's a creep so he likes surprising people. Third, you already knew he was there so why are you surprised?

melo: I guess. Mmm.. I'm hungry.

psyke: Order pizza. Anyways, I gotta go.

melo: Later, kit.

**psyke has signed out**

_Saturday (08:47:36pm)_

melo: Mmm... I wanna be Bob Ross when I grow up.

psyke: Uh... Right... Anyways. What've you been up to?

melo: Not much, just doin' whatever and trying to finish my room in the new Sound Village.

psyke: Yeah... Speaking of which, I'm living in Sasugay's old house. Tell him that he left something really freaky in his room. Oh and that Itachi has some really... Interesting tastes...

melo: Right.

psyke: Wait, hold on! Wtf, how did Sasugay stand to be in the same place as Ita Ita-para without killing him?!

melo: -cough- uh... Well apparently... Kishimoto-sensei... Got it wrong... and well after they both hugged each other while singing some oldies song…I assumed that they don't hate each other like everyone thinks they do…

psyke: WTF?!

melo: Why're you in his house anyways?

psyke: Apparently there was some sort of epidemic and all the other houses are full (plus this is a fanfiction and we can do whatever the hell we want.) There are other refugees here too, supposedly, but I haven't met any of them.

melo: Oh right... So what else are you doing?

psyke: Well Tsunade said I had to take the Chunnin exam... Anyways, you got one of those "anime" key item(S!) already?

melo: uh... yeah...

psyke: What is it? Mine is a random tube thing. I think it has a GPS tracker so they can find me -shudder- and it has my blood in it for some reason -sweatdrop-.

melo: Mine is a teardrop necklace.

psyke: …

melo: …what?

psyke: Dude you're so emo

melo: Psh whatever am not... oi Oro-pipi wants me to get off ttyl?

psyke: Yeah alright just make sure you don't get killed

melo: …

psyke: …?

melo: Uh not making any promises... likewise to you though

psyke: tch

**Melo has signed out**

**Psyke has signed out**


	6. Downers, Uppers and Somewhere Inbetween

**A/N:** Ok, these things are releasing faster than we thought and actually we need a break. So for our hiatus here's a long-ish chapter.

**_Announcement_:** So there's two things Stephen and James(that is to say me) are dying to know what you think about our fic. The first is, who's do you like better Psyke(James) or Melo(Stephen)? The second is, do you guys want to be able to make requests?

_DISCLAIMER:_ We don't own Naruto. The rest is ours. Fuwahahahah. -gets smacked by Stephen-

* * *

_Thursday (10:34:23am)_

"You put the ARE in Retarded." Psyke snapped. Naruto bristled.

"You..." He growled. Psyke rolled her eyes and flipped her hair out of her face dismissively.

"Anyways, Tsunade," Everyone's attention snapped to her. She rolled her eyes. How was she supposed to explain the fact that she knew their names because of a tv show, much less the nuances of said tv show? "You can take the cuffs off me now because I really can't do much, and I'm _sure_," she sneered, "that such _capable_ ninjas as yourself can restrain a single skinny girl." All of the ninjas in the room grimaced and looked toward each other sheepishly. She rolled her eyes again. "Right?"

"First, tell us your name single skinny girl stranger." Tsunade interrupted before her snide remarks turned into a fully fledged rant.

"I'm Psyke." Psyke finally relinquished control of the conversation to the busty lady.

"Saiki?" Interjected Sai, surprised. Saiki blinked.

"Close enough." She said, voice strangled with laughter.

"...You will take the Chunin exam and you'll have to work for us for say...six months afterward. From now until the end of your indenture you will be wearing this." Tsunade walked toward the newly anointed Saiki, small cylindrical item in hand. She pressed it against her wrist and Saiki winced in pain."What do you want your working alias to be?"

"L." Tsunade glanced at her, shrugged and pressed a finger to the tube. She walked back to her desk, retrieved a chain and pushed it through a loop on the top of the cylinder.

"Kakashi, you can untie her." Tsunade placed the now-necklace on her desk. "Take this when you leave. Naruto take her to... the Uchiha compound. After we talk. Jiraya, Naruto, Sai, come with me." And the aforementioned four left the room.

"Why L?" Kakashi asked as he pushed the key into the handcuff's.

"Because it's three letters away from the first letter of my name." She winced and massaged her sore wrists, thin rings of red surrounding each one.

"Doesn't your name start with an S?" She nearly snorted in laughter.

"...No." Saiki walked to the desk and retrieved the necklace. The metal cylindrical object (which was no larger around than her pinky and about half as long) now had an embellished romanized L on its front. She examined the bottom, swishing it around and saw that there was blood in it. She looked at her left wrist. It now had a twin symbol of the one now etched into the cylinder, though it was camouflaged by the red irritated skin made by the chafing cuffs. Kakashi hefted her bag and the sound of the bottom scraping on the floor caught her attention.

"You don't have much do you?" He remarked. She pursed her lips and rolled her eyes.

"Pfft. Its not like I _planned_ this." She sighed. "Anyways, what's this Chunin thing?" Not that she didn't already know, but whatever. There was always the chance it'd be different. He straightened, pulling the strap of her MonoKoBuu bag onto his shoulder.

"Well, its different every year. I guess there is a certain structure to it though. There is the written examination, a practical examination and a tournament. A few years ago it was cut off, but only one was going to pass anyways. That was the year Naruto took his, but the last time and the time before that he didn't take it again because he was training with Jiraya. Again."

"You'll be taking your Chunin exam in tandem with Naruto because he has yet to do so, he's still a genin and despite the fact that you are not, we are testing you. We'll make an exception for you because we don't particularly care for your welfare." Tsunade said over Kakashi as the ninjas that had left the room now entered, minus Sai.

"Gee thanks, that's a nice way of saying you want me to die." She muttered. "You're still a gay-nin?" She asked Naruto. "I can believe it."

"Believe it!" He shouted, not understanding her sarcasm.

"I'm going to smack the shit out of you." she growled.

"But at least I'm better than all the other genin. What I can't understand is why they're allowing _you_ to take it." He babbled on, apparently not hearing what she said, or else he was simply in denial. She was betting on the latter.

"I'm sure there are many things you don't understand." She snorted. Tsunade shooed the two teens out of the room, relieving Kakashi of the doubtlessly heavy burden of Saiki's bag. Saiki grabbed it anxiously.

_Thursday (12:14:39pm)_

Naruto set out excitedly, blabbering on about something or other involving ramen. His arms swung wildly as he described the differences in the soup bases and how miso bases generally held the heat for longer than the soy sauce based and blah blah blah... Saiki was ignoring him when a group of people came up behind them. Naruto remained unaware, but Saiki gripped her bag tighter, fully intending to utilize the extra 12 kg of weight to injure, possibly kill or at least seriously maim whoever dared attack. She glanced back and was surprised at who was there. Naruto _finally_ noticed that she had stopped walking and turned.

"Oh!" He shouted. "Hey guys! This is Saiki, she just came to the village and--" Apparently he had conveniently forgotten the fact that _he_ was the one that had dragged her here. She glared at him and then turned to the group of eight.

"Let me guess... Shikamaru, Ino, Choji, Sakura, Neji, Shino, and Gaara," she said offhandedly, cutting him off, and smirked at their reactions of surprise. TenTen opened her mouth to say that she'd forgotten to mention her--

"How'd you know?!" Exclaimed Ino, Sakura and Naruto at once. (--but was cut off by the other characters being dumb asses because TenTen is unimportant.)

"You do realize," Saiki drawled, "that you never told me your name... Right, Na-ru-to?" He blinked, apparently he _hadn't_. Everyone laughed, the chance to make fun of Naruto dispelling all unease, and onward they went. Saiki was now accepted as one of the group. Only Shikamaru remained dubious, but he wasn't one to make remarks of things.

_Thursday (01:56:51pm)_

"Ugh! What the hell is that?!" Saiki grimaced and pulled what appeared to be crap (Who said anything about _dog_ crap?) and massive amounts of dust bunnies from the floor of a child's room. _That's almost as bad as having forty-four (FORT-FOUR!) pictures of Itachi in your room Sasuke... Uchiha perfection indeed. _She threw it out into the "burn pile" outside, sighed with relief, washed her hands and steeled herself to enter Itachi's room.

She slowly pushed the door open...

And was assaulted by seventeen 24"x45" sized posters of Sasuke on his walls (And ceiling). And several hundred(!) smaller pictures in frames. She gagged harder than when she found the shit in Sauske's room.

"Oh gods!!"

_Thursday (11:11:11pm)_

Saiki collapsed in exhaustion, not caring that Naruto was coming tomorrow (likely bright and early in the morning, just to torture her.) She curled into a ball, head resting on her bag, then realized something. She crawled over to the outlet in the empty room and pushed the AC plug in, also connecting the other end to her laptop. She fell asleep like that, laptop cradled in her arms, finger wrapped around the hilt of her meticulously cleaned 8.5" gut ripper. And she slept like a baby.


	7. Your Face Scares Me

_A/N:_ Yes, you can make requests, or rather suggestions, we want to know what you guys want an we'll try to execute it as best as we can. On another note, we also want to know if you want to communicate with us directly, like if we make an AIM or maybe an email address so you can contact us. What think you?

**DISCLAIMER:** We don't own Naruto, we do own Saiki/Psyke and Melo and our own insanity. We're good with that.

--

Melo grumbled as she was forced to walk along with Itachi and Orochimaru. Those two were freaks for giving her this type of torture. The torture was too much for Melo, she couldn't handle…_shopping_. Psyke knew from experience that Melo despised shopping. However, Psyke wasn't here at the moment so Psyke's knowledge had little use. Melo couldn't refuse going with the two Akatsuki members because well…getting them pissed off was not a bright idea.

"Aren't we finished yet?" Melo whined loudly. Orochimaru merely ignored Melo. Itachi hesitantly responded.

"Well you're the one who came here with nothing but the clothes on your back and that…cell-phone thing."

"This _cell-phone_ is my _life._ It contains my music." Melo glared and continued, "Besides, it's not like I expected to be kidnapped." Melo bumped into Orochimaru as he paused at a doorstop.

"A warning would be nice Oro-pipi." Melo hissed while rubbing her forehead.

"Will you stop calling me that you incompetent brat?" Orochimaru glared. Melo stared at the entrance of the door labeled '_It's A Girl's World'_ and twitched due to the frilly pink outline.

"Oh you're kidding right?" Melo attempted to walk into the next shop but failed. Itachi shoved Melo inside as Orochimaru tried to find something a female would approve of. As Orochimaru dragged her further and further into the lamely titled store there were decent clothes. Itachi stood outside to make sure Melo wouldn't ditch Orochimaru and attempt to make her escape. Melo sighed. It had been 45 min. since she entered this creepy frilly titled shop. Luckily she gathered all her clothing supplies. Eventually Melo and Orochimaru walked outside the door only to see Itachi reading _Maxim_.

"I always thought you were gay Itaitapara." Melo grinned.

Melo heaved a sigh as she was returning back to the Akatsuki lair with Itachi since Orochimaru dashed off yelling something about making the Sound village.

"Melo come with me." Itachi lead the way inside his room. Melo blinked as she saw Itachi looking for something. Itachi's room was _very _plain on the outside but the contents within his shelves were messy. Itachi paused his rummaging as he pulled out a katana, shuriken, knives, paper bombs, seals, you know the works. Melo twitched _how could he find anything in that load of crap he calls shelves?_

"Not that I don't appreciate you giving me weapons Itachi, but uh why are you giving me weapons?" Melo stated as she observed her new sword. The sword had a blue handle with streaks of sapphire in the metal.

"Tobi made me hold the weapons for you." Itachi flatly replied. _Oh no wonder these weapons look…girly-ish._ Melo carried all her stuff into her room receiving no help from Itachi because he claimed she could _do it herself_. Melo smacked her face into the pillow as she heard someone enter.

"Yo!" Tobi made a gesture as he entered the room. Melo arose from her bed and made a questioning face at Tobi for why he was here.

"I see you got everything." Tobi spoke as he glanced at the bags of clothes and weapons sprawled out on the floor. Melo yawned.

"Yeah, thanks for the weapons Tobi-obi." Melo rubbed her eyes. Tobi sat down on Melo's bed and held up a necklace.

"What's this?" Melo blinked staring at the teardrop shaped necklace with a blue stone inside. Tobi handed her the necklace.

"A necklace," Tobi bluntly stated "so you can communicate with the Akatsuki and so we can track you." Melo twitched. _Just stating that you'll stalk me?_ Melo tied the necklace so that it would hang loosely on her neck.

"So…did you plan for my arrival Tobi?" Melo blinked as she packed her smaller weapons into a blue knapsack.

"Well of course, why else would I make Itachi hold on to your weapons." Tobi replied as he observed the katana.

"Why me?" Melo stared. "I bet Psyke's in this whole thing too." Tobi nodded as confirmation.

"All will be explained in due time," Tobi stood up as he began to make his exit "oh and by the way your first test will be sparring with the Uchiha boy."

"Say what?" Melo blinked as Tobi slammed the door. _Damn._

_Good night Ms.VaugelyHispanicLookin! It is Friday 9:42pm_


	8. You wanna stop her?

**WARNINGS:** Mary-sues, god modding and incoherency.

Disclaimer: Really? Do you even need these things any more? And nope, no smart-alec coments... too lazy. This chapter is full of nothing, just god-modding. You should skip it.

* * *

_Saturday (05:17:39am)_

Saiki turned over in her sleep and groaned. For some reason Naruto's annoying as hell voice was echoing through her head saying: "WAKE UP SAIKI!! ITS TIME TO GET UP!!" and she wondered if this was another one of Melo's stupid pranks. She recalled being at the other girl's house... and something about her probably being peed on by Melo's cats. She sat up abruptly.

The annoying as hell voice did not however go away with her sleepiness. She groaned again. Naruto charged into the room, bright orange as ever, despite the darkness. She growled.

"Naru-f-cking-tard, it is god-damned 5:17 in the f-cking morning. Did you ever think of having the common decency of, you know, say... SHUTTING THE F-CK UP?!" She yelled as he grew ever louder. She rolled her eyes and pulled her impromptu blanket (aka. her jacket) closer.

"Wake up! We're going to spar and test your aptitude. We have to be ready for the Chunnin exams, and you need to train. Especially if you're going to be on the same team as me." Two other boys walked more sedately behind him.

"Are you SHITTING ME!?" She screamed. That definitely woke her up. She stood violently. Naruto and the two behind him (Shikamaru and Neji briefly registered to her through her fury) blushed. And then quailed when they saw her hand. Saiki looked down to see her very pale legs. Of course they were covered by thigh-hi socks (mostly) and her extremely long shirt, but in the minds of the perverted boys before her she may as well have been naked.

"Hn." she snorted and kneeled to retrieve a pair of pants from her pack. Pulling them on, she glared at the three boys. She pushed the knife into its sheath. Neji gave a small cough and Shikamaru stood outside where he had dashed to after seeing the knife. She tch-ed. It was only eight and a half inches. Chicken shit kids. She stalked over to Naruto.

"If you ever. And I mean _ever_. Come into my room while I'm sleeping, ever again... Well let's just say you won't... ever be expecting children." Her voice was soft, her words were measured but the message was loud and clear. All three boys gulped. She ground her teeth.

_(07:01:48am)_

Lee was there too. All four boys crowded around her anxiously as she put her stuff down and decided to sit down and... sleep. She growled in annoyance.

"What the hell?" they coughed and shuffled back nervously. "The teacher's coming in a little bit, she was buying some dango at the store." They looked at her in disbelief.

"How do you know which teacher is coming?" her eye twitched in annoyance at their idiocy.

"Uh well first of all this is in regards to the Chunnin exam so of course Anko(sensei) will be the one testing my aptitude. And second of all, when we were passing her Mr.Bushybrows here shouted 'Hey sensei! We'll meet you at the usual spot in ten!' Yeah, it was so hard to figure out." She scoffed and lay her head back against her arms. "And I figure that Lee is here to test my strength, endurance, and agility, Neji is here to test my chakra, Shikamaru is here to test my wits and Naruto is here to test my..." she cocked her head, "my patience." Neji and Shikamaru choked back laughter and snuck surreptitious glances toward the other two teens who apparently had ADD because they'd left already in order to talk to each other.

"So uh... How did you do that thing earlier?" Shikamaru flopped down beside her (though because he'd flinched she knew he'd landed on a tree root.)

"What thing?" she asked drowsily.

"The thing where you got everyone to accept you easily, you know earlier? Oh and how'd you know our names?" He watched as Neji wandered off, to do... well... whatever Neji does.

"That's called charisma," she yawned, "And charm... you don't have it." She blinked. "Anko's here." She stood and held a hand out to Shikamaru. He grabbed it, fully expecting to have to pull himself up when she suddenly hefted him (easily in fact) up, his feet landing softly after his whole body had lifted off the ground by a good four inches. He blinked and opened his mouth to say something, but she was already walking toward Anko (presumably.) Neji stood next to him. He turned to Neji with a bemused expression. Neji shrugged.

_(07:11:46am)_

"You're the newbie huh?" Anko said. She held a hand to her hip. She shrugged. "Looks like I have my work cut out for me." Shikamaru opened his mouth to contest her statement but Saiki cut in as usual.

"Yup," Saiki said lazily. Despite the promise of a hard work out (or so it seemed to the others because of her stature) the girl remained completely lax.

"Alright, first will be the chakra test. Since you aren't from around here," _No... ya think?_ "You'll need an explanation I'm sure." Saiki shook her head.

"I don't. Just tell me what you're going to do." Anko's mouth (still slightly open) shut.

"Well uh... okay then... I'll just start. I'm going to push my chakra through your body and then Neji's going to observe your chakra flow and help you control it." Saiki 'hmph'ed. Anko placed her hand on Saiki's shoulders. Anko shoved her chakra through the short girl's body and the shoulders beneath her palms tensed but Saiki's face remained impassive. Anko's chakra continued to pour throughout the girl's body and yet the girl's chakra had yet to appear. Anko glanced anxiously at Neji, he shook his head. She decided to cut off the flow before it got too late and gave one final burst of power. And the unintended side effect was that all of her chakra was sucked out and into the girl. Anko collapsed and Saiki caught her. The boys' eyes bugged out of their heads.

"Uh... Right..." Seeing the small girl easily carrying the older woman was slightly disconcerting, to say the least. Saiki carried Anko to the tree that her bag was under and placed her gently down, using her bag as an impromptu pillow for the woman. She turned to the boys and cracked her knuckles.

"What now kids?" They gulped.

_(07:55:45am)_

Lee huffed, his face was red and he was sweating profusely. Each breath was labored. Saiki let out a slow breath in exasperation. The boy was still fighting. Her last combination (triple left pivot kick to the shoulder, two uppercuts and seven jabs to the stomach in rapid order) hadn't even winded the girl. Saiki pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose. He charged toward her once again. She sidestepped in a slow seeming manner, never exerting herself, and caught his left arm, deftly bringing it behind his back to immobilize him. She squeezed the muscle half-way between his wrist and elbow and his fist contracted painfully, he couldn't open his hand. She chewed on her tongue in thought and swiftly brought her right hand to his jugular, squeezing until he passed out.

Neji edged closer to Shikamaru (safety in numbers?)

"You sure you still want to test her wits?" Shikamaru glanced over to the tree where Saiki was placing Lee next to Anko.

"Not so much any more."

Neji tried to look reassuring. "At least you won't get hurt... right?"

_(08:56:34am)_

Shikamaru puzzled over the problems. He puzzled over them again.

"When are you going to finish? And don't blame me for the "hard" questions, You're the one that said the quiz could be any length and any difficulty." she snapped. She waved around her filled sheet in an agitated manner and he tried not to growl at her. It had taken her all but fifteen minutes to solve the questions he gave her, all algebra, trigonometry and physics problems, and he was winding well past the hour mark.

How many birthdays does the average man have? **75 as of estimates of 2008**

Some months have 31 days. How many have 28? **One**

Is it legal for a man to marry his widow's sister? **Yes**

Divide 30 by ½ and add 10. What's the answer? **Twenty five**

There are three apples and you take away two. How many do you have? **One**

A farmer has 17 sheep. All but nine die. How many sheep does he have? **Eight**

How many two cent stamps are in a dozen? **Twenty-four**

If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound? Why? **Yes...Because it fell?**

"Fine! I'm done. Troublesome." He growled and shoved his paper into her hands and snatched the other paper away from her. He glanced at all the answers. In fact, there were no notes or work on the paper. Just the answers. Apparently she'd done all the problems in her head. He gritted his teeth. If this were any normal time he would have accused her of cheating but, looking at those who were around, he knew it wasn't possible. Naruto and Lee couldn't have known the answers and Neji... He was too aloof (read: scared) to help the girl.

You are twelve feet from a tree. Your line of sight is 70° from horizontal. Your eyes are 5ft from the ground. How tall is the tree? -- **37.9697 ft.**

A motorboat took 3 hours to make a downstream trip with a current of 6 km/h. the return trip against the same current took 5 hrs. Find the speed of the boat in still waters. -- **24 km/h**

Write the equation of the line that is perpendicular to y1/2x-6 and passes through the point (-8,4) –- **y-2x-12**

If you have the height of an object, the length of the object's shadow and the length of another object's shadow, what formula can you use to find the height of the second object? -- **SHD/L-H**

What is the mass of an object accelerating at 15.0 m/s² with a force of 689.0 N?

-- **45.9 kg**

How many electrons (in coulombs) would flow through your body if you were shocked with 2.0 amps for 3.0 seconds? -- **6.0 C**

What is the volume of an object with a mass of 1700.6 g and a density of 3.4 g/cm³?

-- **5.0 x 10² mL**

12.5Kcal of heat is removed from a block of aluminum metal. The temperature decreases by 9.5°C. What is the mass of the aluminum block? -- **6.0 Kg**

Saiki smirked at the paper.

"You got everything except the last question wrong. But you didn't give a valid reason for the last question so you get a half point." She said, amusement clear in her voice.

"WHAT?!" Shikamaru hardly ever put any effort into vocalizing his feelings but right now he was feeling exceptionally expressive.

"The answers were: number one was 1; two was all of them; three was "no, how can he marry if he's dead?"; four was 70; five was 2; six was 9; seven was 12; and eight was yes, because the collision of matter produces vibrations in the air which are picked up by the eardrum or any other such material and translated to sound." She huffed.

"And I'm bored now. So can we get this chakra thing over with?"

_(09:02:19)_

"Since Anko couldn't bring out your chakra, I'm going to have to open it somehow." Neji activated his byakugan and pressed several points on her body.

"Alright, that should do th--!!" He scuttled backward as massive amounts of chakra... (no, it felt different. Was it Ki? He didn't know.) poured out of her body. Saiki's jaw clenched and her eyes narrowed, feeling the distinct sensation of being drained of energy. _That's so not going to happen_. She took a deep breath and centered herself. Neji relaxed as the flow of energy stopped. He looked at her, surprised. The energy was now pooled around her in a contained, organized bubble and formed an aura around her. A green, very bright aura. And all of a sudden it disappeared. She glared at him.

"What the hell did you do ass wipe!?" She shouted and stormed off. She grabbed her bag (and Anko, who she slung over her shoulder) and was returning to the village in a huff. "I'm tired of you assholes doing whatever you want to me! This is ENOUGH!" She bellowed. She stalked off.

"Is it really okay to let her go do you think?" asked Naruto. Shikamaru stared in disbelief.

"Do _you_ want to be the one to stop her?" All three boys twitched and went to get Lee.


	9. Cutting you OFF

A/N: We are going to go on an extended hiatus for reasons that will remain unknown and for an unknown period of time. That means if we ever continue this... well thats for us to know and you to wonder. (we probably lost all of our readers at this one sentence.) So here's an update which is the beginning of the actual plot that you may never get the chance to read.

**Saiki**: Che.. its not like we had any fans in the first place. (Except those few that are constantly commenting. Thanks, by the way.)

**Stephen & James**: ...Shut up.

* * *

Being isolated in a room for seven hours was **not** fun. Luckily for Melo she had her music with her which passed time. _What did Tobi mean by sparring with Sasuke?_ Melo stared at her roof idly as she pondered the thought. _I mean Sasuke's victory against me is inevitable…right? I wonder what Psyke's up to…_ Melo sighed as she closed her eyes listening to music. Melo opened her eyes as someone knocked.

"Oi little one here," Melo turned around to see Itachi open the door. Itachi walked over and threw a mask at Melo. Melo observed the mask _this is an anbu mask._

"Why are you giving me an Anbu mask?" Melo questioned.

"As of today you are in a squad with Madara and my brother." Itachi stated. Melo's eyes widened.

"Wh-what are you crazy?! I'd get myself killed!" Melo spazzed and was stopped when Itachi smacked her with a pillow. And actually managed to make it hurt.

"Listen, you're registered as a member of the Sound Village. The goal is to make the Sound have an _alliance_ with the Leaf Village. In order to create said alliance you must participate in their upcoming Chunnin exam." Itachi explained and continued, "In order to be in the exam you must have a three man squad. Tobi will accompany you to make sure everything goes as planned. Orochimaru assigned Sasuke to attend as well."

"You forget Konoha would definitely recognize Sasuke," Melo responded flatly.

"I didn't forget," Itachi shot back. "You will give him a haircut so no one recognizes Sasuke's duck butt hair." Melo laughed at the duck butt remark.

"Plus, I'll give Sasuke a blindfold for the sake of honing his chakra." Tobi's voice was crisp as he let himself enter Melo's room._ Tobi didn't speak in third person…_Melo twitched.

"By the way Melo you'll need an alias for the chunnin exam." Tobi pointed his index finger at Melo, "So what will it be!" Melo twitched.

"Musica," Melo replied.

"Musica of the Sound Village it is then," Tobi happily spoke.

"Hmph, I don't understand why you chose _her_." Melo twitched at Sasuke's voice. Sasuke entered the room and sat down on Melo's bedside. Melo glared at him while Sasuke tossed scissors at her. Melo was aware that she could totally fuck up his hair…but that'd be mean even if he is an emo bitch. Melo snipped his hair for a couple of minutes until she was satisfied. Sasuke's hair now had layers in the front and was flat on the back.

"There," Melo sighed, exhausted. Sasuke's duck butt hair had been difficult to flatten but she managed. Sasuke glanced at the mirror.

"Not bad I guess," Sasuke suppressed a 'Tch'. Tobi wrapped a black blindfold around Sasuke's eyes. Melo stared at her two squad members. _Emo kid and A.D.H.D. semi-adult what fun… NOT._

"Can you two Uchiha-tards get the hell out of my room now?" Melo irritably spoke.

"Fine," Tobi motioned Sasuke to follow him "get dressed you will be having your spar with Sasuke." Melo rolled her eyes.

"Come on, isn't it obvious that the kid formally known as duck butt is going to kick my ass?" Melo glared at Sasuke, though it had little affect since Sasuke couldn't see her.

"_You'd be surprised_," Tobi said cryptically. As soon the Uchihas left her room Melo changed into her newly bought clothes. Melo's outfit consisted of a sleeveless dark blue top, black and white arm warmers, black shorts, and black boots. The scarf she wore was black with a small cloud at the bottom symbolizing her alliance with the Akatasuki. Melo placed the white mask on and then her necklace. Grabbing the blue knapsack Melo tied it along her waist. Finally, Melo grabbed her katana last and heaved a long sigh. _My god I look retarded…_ Melo twitched as she stared into the mirror. Melo walked outside of the lair to see nothing more than…trees. _ I wonder if Pyske's alright…I should meet up with her at the exams. That is...if I'm still alive by then. _

"Are you going to stand there all day?" Sasuke sneered as he pulled out his sword. Melo smirked at Sasuke who looked nothing like his original self.

"I'll end this quickly," Sasuke smirked still wearing the blindfold. Melo groaned _yeah, I have no combat skills whatsoever…damn you Tobi._

"Yeah whatever let's just get this over with," Melo impatiently responded as she yanked out her sword.

"CHIDORI!" Sasuke bellowed as his sword consumed the lightning. Melo dodged the blow causing the sword to explode the tree it impacted. Melo used her sword to lift Sasuke's sword out of his hands. Sasuke growled as he clutched Melo's sword, lifting her off the ground, and using his other hand to charge up lightning. _Shit_. Melo knew she had to get the hell out of this position. Melo swiped her free hand at Sasuke which caused him to let go. Sasuke rubbed the clear substance off his cheek…_water? What the hell is she?_ Melo snatched her sword and used the handle to deal a blow at Sasuke's ribcage. Sasuke gasped for air while regaining his stance he lost Melo's chakra presence. Sasuke untied his blindfold and focused his chakra.

"Sharigan!" He yelled. Sasuke's blood red eyes wandered looking for Melo.

"Hey! Look up!" Melo giggled. Sasuke quickly faced Melo and began to charge at her. Melo stared intently at the older boy and dashed at him. "Oi _Asuken_! You're really slow!" Melo shouted as she became a blur to Sasuke. _Damn she's fast._

"Never let your enemies get behind you!" Melo grabbed Sasuke's collar and slammed him into mud. "Come on is that all you've got Sa-su-clay?" Sasuke panted as his temper rose. Sasuke threw paper bombs at the girl causing Melo to quickly use her shuriken creating explosions in the air.

"Never let your enemies get behind you right?" Sasuke smirked, "Katon: Goken No Jutsu!" Melo braced for the impact as she skidded backwards. Melo was more bewildered than fatigued. She noticed slight burn marks etched into her skin as she stood up. Melo dashed at him without retrieving her lost sword lying on the ground her hand layered with water piercing the boy above his heart. Melo jabbed Sasuke in the neck causing him to fall wheezing heavily. Melo placed her heavy boot on top of Sasuke's abdomen careful not to place pressure that would kill him. Melo gave a grin. "Yo!"

"Why aren't you killing me?" Sasuke spat not bothering to gather his strength. Sasuke noticed throughout the fight that she didn't strike anything major, although she did hit hard it wouldn't kill him.

"Well we are teammates, ne?" Melo stuck her index finger at him, "I think it would be rather rude to kill a squad member don't you?" Sasuke grunted and grabbed her ankle roughly causing her to lose balance. Sasuke pointed his blade at her glaring. "No, I don't think it would be rude." Melo blinked at him and began to laugh. Sasuke was losing his patience.

"What's so funny?" He twitched.

"Y-your face! Hahaha!" Melo rolled on the floor. Sasuke was enraged and attempted to stab Melo's cheek. Melo reacted by grabbing onto the blade tip.

"Now that's just plain rude," Melo's eyes lit up as blood dribbled from her hand. Sasuke was beginning to understand why Tobi chose her. _She's insane._ Sasuke winced as he felt a surge of pain running through his palm. Sasuke's eyes widened as he gained Melo's dissipating wound. _What the hell…_

"Well done!" Tobi shouted from a top a tree. His hands came together to clap. "I told you you'd be surprised Mel-- I mean _Musica_." Sasuke's eye twitched. _We're going to need to have a doctor check that out, may indicate some sort of cerebral disorder._

"_Musica_? What kind of a name is that?" Sasuke grunted.

"It means music in Spanish." Melo glared, affronted, at Sasuke as she stood up. Melo removed her mask to wipe the sweat off her nose.

"I think this spar has brought you two closer together!" _Well if that isn't the biggest lie of the century..._ "We'll get a 5 hour sleep kids, tomorrow we're venturing off to Konoha." Tobi gleefully stated.

"Woo hoo." Melo said sarcastically. "Tobi, aren't you like what 17? You're not that _old,_ you have no right to call us "kids"!"

Later on at night the three members of the squad had their own separate thoughts.

_Wait a minute I'm 14, Saucy's 16 and Tobi's 17…I'm the youngest __**and**__ the shortest?! NO FAIR!_ Melo rubbed her face in the pillow.

_I think…I think I should've let Kabuto do something like this…these two will drive me crazy._ Sasuke groaned.

_Sunshine and lollipops rainbows and lemon drops doo doo dee doo dee doo_

Melo decided not to let Tobi load songs into her mp3 player any more.


	10. Like a Surgeon

A/N: Okay, I lied. One last chapter since you guys reviewed. If you need a reason for the hiatus then... School started again. Hmmm... the chunnin exam is starting. - James

**DISCLAIMER:** yeah, don't expect any more chapters until about Christmas time. Oh, that's not what you expected here. Right uh... we don't own Naruto. Wouldn't want to either, he'd probably clean out our fridge.

+James _and_ Stephen

* * *

_Monday (07:42:45am)_

Tsunade sighed and stared at the small slip of paper in her hands. It held much information for its size however.

_Saiki (no last name) Alias: L_

_Agility, reaction time, strength, endurance and intelligence are superior. Ability with chakra is unknown. Anbu, spectators and Neji Hyuuga confirm strange abilities. Possibly an S-rank. Mentally stable, though appears to be quick-tempered. Loyalties do not lie with the Konoha village though the intentions of the subject do not appear to be malicious._

_ -Anko_

She chewed her bottom lip. The girl was definitely strange. Just this morning, almost an hour ago in fact, she'd received a notice from the medic-nin. Three beds were currently filled with the girl's "sparring partners". Each one sported large area bruises but no critical damage of any kind. And no visible evidence of what caused them to pass out. The nurses had remarked at the strange sight of seeing the short girl (only 4'10"!) carrying the three boys easily. She'd been calm and polite and even given an estimate of how long it would take for them to wake. ("Just an hour, I didn't want them to be late for the Chunin exam.") A letter came. She sighed. The Chunin exams were starting too, this new notice reminded her.

_Dear Tsunade-sama, Hokage of Konoha Village;_

_We of the Sound village would like to become officially recognized and therefore respectfully request to participate in this year's Chunin exam. We are sending three representatives, we come in peace. We should also like to formally establish good relations with Konoha village._

_ -Kabuto Yakushi (Sound village)_

Shizune came in, saying that the three boys who had been admitted into the hospital earlier had just been released. Tsunade checked the time. Exactly one hour.

Oh, how she hated Mondays.

_Monday (07:45:36am)_

Saiki stretched. Ah, exam day. She'd warmed up decently and was actually feeling awake for once, which was amazing because it was before 11 o'clock in the afternoon. She dragged Sai and Naruto from their hospital beds and poked Shikamaru into consciousness, reminding him that he was helping with the examinations, before leaving the hospital. She dragged them cheerfully all the way to the examination hall.

Melo was having trouble seeing Saiki in the quay. So she did the only intelligent thing to do.

"SAIKIIIIII!!" she hollered. A small cough behind Tobi, Sauske and Melo made them swivel. Saiki could practically hear their necks crack. A small smile formed on her lips.

"Hey Melo. I see you've brought Tobi," she nodded her head toward him, "and Sasugay. I think your team is almost as crappy as mine," She said brightly. She tip toed and patted Tobi (inciting gleeful giggles) and Sasuke (inciting a surprised "hn?!") on the head (some how. She had to reach a good foot or so above her head.)

"Good luck. See you later." Saiki chose a seat close to the front and to the left. She waved at Kakashi and Shikamaru. They blinked and waved back. She snickered. Sai stared at his team mate. The girl was mentally unstable! First she was bratty and had a mean left hook (his cheek throbbed) _then_ she acted like some sort of child and some how everyone but him, Jiraya and Tsunade forgot her insane strength and _then_ she started talking to other examinees happily (happily!!) And somehow she had managed to incorporate herself into the Konoha society with no repercussions. He himself had been in the village for the better part of five months and still he was hardly accepted. Naruto was accepted more than him! The blond doofus (Saiki had rubbed off on him...) at least had his friends, even if the adults shunned him.

"Alright stooges, to your seats!" Kakashi's voice echoed through the hall and the milling crowd of examinees took their places with their team mates.

A random call of "Hey, Kaki-poo 'heart' " floated through the silenced hall. Kakashi coughed and continued on (but his ears were pink.)

"This is the written portion of the Chunin examinations. Your answers to each question may vary, and there is a verbal question at the end of the test. There are two ways of failing, getting caught cheating or if the examiner decides you should not pass. Your reasoning for your answer to the verbal question will be asked of you at a later time. You have an hour starting now. Begin!"

The examinees flipped the paper over. They did a double take. And a triple take. And a fourth take just for good measure.

1. Why? -

A. Why Not?

B. Because.

C. Because I said so.

D. Green.

Everyone in the hall looked at their papers dubiously. Many stared around at each other in disbelief (several were eliminated because of this.) Sai, Sasuke, Melo and Saiki had picked up on a little thing that Kakashi said and smirked. They were sure to pass. Saiki proceeded to circle random answers or write strange things (or what seemed to be random answers, nobody cheated off of her.) Sasuke and Sai circled A., Saiki circled C. and Melo circled D. Tobi and Naruto circled B.

2. I am smarter than you. -

A. True

B. False

Everyone but Saiki and Tobi circled false.

3. Name the 10000th number in Pi.

Naruto answered 2, Sai answered 69, Saiki wrote "how is this relevant" and Melo and Tobi

doodled. Sasuke considered the question beneath his effort.

5. Name the pattern: 1, 5, 380, 3, 589023, 0.

Everyone but Saiki left that question blank. She wrote "random algorithm generator"

6. If a proctor threw a kunai at you, what angle would it land at?

Melo wrote: "Lol, Whut?" and Saiki included a formula for trajectory, taking in account mass, wind speed, distance, density and acceleration. The others left the answer blank.

7. Did you notice that there was no number four?

_This question will be the oral question. If you are done with the test, please check your answers and give your answer document to the Examiner._

Saiki was the first one done and immediately gave her answer sheet to Kakashi, then fell asleep until the end of the hour. Sasuke, Sai and Melo finished at the same time. Naruto used the whole hour trying to solve the problems but eventually gave up. Tobi never handed his in.

"The hour is up!" Kakashi bellowed.

"Go Shi-Shi-Baby!" Pierced the silence like a newly sharpened katana. Kakashi coughed.

"Now it is time for the oral Question."

"Heh, oral." said Sai quietly.

"The assistants will hand you each blind folds for the purpose of protecting everyone's privacy." Sai wolf whistled. "For this question you will express your answer with your body," Sai made a cat call but was promptly jabbed in the ribs by Melo's elbow. They placed the blindfolds on.

"Ahem. Your question is a scenario. 'Your spouse and your child have been taken hostage by a lunatic,'" _What the hell kind of question is that?!_ "He has given you the choice of freeing your spouse or your child, however, he says that he will definitely kill the one you do not choose to free. Now, if you wish to free your spouse, move to the left of the room. If you choose to free your child move to the right." Tobi, Sasuke, Naruto, Sai, Melo and Saiki were jostled as everyone moved.

"If one of the assistants taps your shoulder, please give your reason for choice."

"I would save my child because my spouse can be replaced and is not related to me..." The other students droned on and on and on. Tobi and Saiki soon fell asleep standing up. Sasuke did something random with his chakra to entertain himself. Sai... entertained himself. Naruto was trying to count how many flies were in the room with his blindfold still on and Melo was practicing her gen-jutsu in her mind.

"Alright, if you moved to the left..."

"You fail. Please pull off your blindfolds, return them to the assistants and stand near the door." The examinees who chose to save their child held their breaths in anticipation...

"Those who moved to the right..." Their jaws gritted. Some began hyperventilating and a few passed out in anxiety.

"You also fail. Please pull off your blindfolds and return them to the assistants and stand aside, near the door."

"WHAT?!" the whole room burst into noise. The genin who did not move pulled off their blindfolds as well and blinked at the sudden light.

Twenty-two bemused genin gazed at the 358 that did not pass. Saiki and Tobi remained asleep, standing up.

_Monday (9:00:00am)_


	11. OVER NINE THOUSAND!

A/N: This is the second to last. Last update will be on Christmas day. Just because we have nothing better to do than please you. Doesn't that make you happy? - James

If you want to see what they look like:  
http:// grimmpsyke . deviantart . com/ art /Saiki-Melo - Original - 107327186  
http:// grimmpsyke . deviantart . com/ art /Saiki-Melo - 107326923  
http:// grimmpsyke . deviantart . com/ art /Random-Saiki-Melo - 107030689  
http:// grimmpsyke . deviantart . com/ art /Saiki-Melo-SNJ - 107030449

(just take out all the spaces.)

--

_Tuesday (06:12:46am)_

"Saiki, Tsunade-sama needs you. She says to meet her in her office." Kakashi had actually knocked on the wood of the shoji screen doors but it did no good because 1. it was six in the morning, and 2. he came in immediately after he knocked, thus not giving the girl time to collect herself and cover up. This was becoming a habit for the males of Konoha, one that she was going to have to break them of. Kakashi dodged the paper airplane that was thrown at him but received a face full of book instead. _The encyclopedia britannica?_ His nose felt broken.

"Out. Now." She was considerably more calm than when the boys closer to her own age had intruded on her sleep, but also considerably more pissed. She pulled on her pants. _I need to get some more clothes... wait, I don't have any money._ She stared at the clothes she'd been wearing for the past few days and folded them neatly and took her spare clothes from her bag. And her knives (which had somehow multiplied.)

_Tuesday (06:30:25am)_

When Saiki went into the now-familiar office room. In the room were Melo and Tobi (Sasuke was not there, for a somewhat obvious reason.)

"What is it?" Her speech was clipped due to her irritation, though Tsunade seemed to be in a similar state and didn't remark upon it.

"These representatives are from the Sound village," _Well yeah, I already knew that... I guess the Sound village isn't known yet._ "They would like to establish an embassy. I would like you to be the liaison to their village. Therefore you will be partly living there and make regular trips here with their embassy head. This... girl here. We needed to establish more female emissaries throughout the Konohakagure anyways (stupid affirmative action!)"

"Really, you'd think you'd choose Naruturd for this job instead of me..." muttered Saiki. Saiki wanted to murder whoever had decided to have their meeting so early in the morning, but decided that she was ultimately too lazy to do anything about it. Plus, seeing as it was probably Tobi who'd done so, she'd get a headache if she tried to confront him. It was safer for her sanity if she didn't.

"Why?" Even in Tsunade's sleep deprived state she was still sharp. But she'd also probably been drinking the night before.

"Uh... no reason." She blinked. She turned to the Tobi and Melo. "So, what now?"

"As an expression of our good will, Tobi and girl will take you shopping!" Tobi danced around happily.

Saiki spluttered.

_Tuesday (07:15:45am)_

"No. Absolutely not." She stood resolute as Sasuke tried (not very hard, it wasn't like he wanted to go into the shop either) to push her into a dubiously titled shop called "Pretty Pretty Pink!"

"And when I say absolutely not, I mean 'Hell No.'" Tobi pouted. "And do you even have any money? Seriously why are you buying me clothes in the first place!?"

"Well because Musica didn't have any clothes when she came here and your clothes looked so dirty," ("DIRTY!? Are you _trying_ to pick a fight with me!?") "and they were really weird." ("_I'm_ dressed weird?! The fashion police need to come and _arrest_ _**you**_!") And as to money... Tobi has control of the entire economy of the Sound village!!!" He shouted happily. (Somewhere in Sound village, Orochimaru was crying.) Saiki's eyes widened and she winced, and for some reason she suddenly felt sorry for Orochimaru and Kabuto (and Itachi for good measure.) She growled and shoved Sasuke off of her arm.

"Fine, but I'm going to this store." She pointed at it, the large redish sign saying "Burning Issues."

Sasuke and Melo gave a suspicious sounding "pfft!"s. _HA! Payback!_ Both teens had had to get their clothing from the seriously deranged store called "Its a Girl's World." That was the only store available near the Akatsuki lair. Something about how the Akatsuki owned it or something so they were able to monopolize the clientèle. All three teens walked into the store, leaving Tobi to pout outside. Sasuke pulled him unceremoniously inside.

_Tuesday (07:45:58am)_

Saiki stared down at her new attire. She was wearing no pink, much to Tobi's dismay. She had on a military-esque leather jacket that fell mid-thigh, with many buckles, that was adjustable, the sleeves were able to roll up and would stay because a strap would hold them. She wore a long sleeved black turtle neck underneath it, her left hand was covered by a fingerless glove and her right hand by an archery glove. For some reason she wore riding length boots that matched the jacket in amount of straps (which she detested because she had to wear shorts with them. She would later replace them with more reasonable footwear.) She also wore a page boy cap. Had she been wearing pants, it would have been impossible to tell that she was a girl. She smirked. She turned to Melo who nodded in approval. Saiki frowned.

"Your eyes..." Saiki's voice trailed off uncertainly, she was having trouble understanding what she was seeing. Melo cocked her head. Saiki stepped forward and pushed the other girl's bangs back to reveal vibrant blue eyes. "They weren't that color before." Saiki said flatly.

"_Mine_ aren't the same color? Look at _yourself_!" Melo snapped after staring intently at her eyes in the mirror and turning back to Saiki. Saiki swiveled around to glare at the mirror. One of her eyes was green and the other... gold.

"What in the Hell is happening?!"

_Hmm so it finally begins._ Tobi glanced at the two females staring at the mirror shocked and confused. _The power they have is finally releasing itself. I wonder is this a defense mechanism? Being drawn into a new worl-_

"OH MAI GODS WTF IS HAPPENING?!"

"OMG CLEARLY IT'S CAUSE WE'RE IN AN ANIME-!" _Ahem. Defense mechanism sounds the most plausible. That Saiki-chan has heterochromia is rather peculiar. Is it due to her splintered personalities? Melo-chan's eyes switched to one separate color though Sasuke-kun mentioned her eyes being blood red during the spar. _

"AHHHH!!" Saiki and Melo's voices pierced the sky causing civilians to stare up and wonder where the noise was coming from. Sasuke rubbed his temples. Tobi walked into the store amusingly staring at Saiki and Melo.

"What's their problem?" Tobi jabbed his thumb in the direction of the females.

"Dunno, maybe they have a zit or something?" Sasuke shrugged. Tobi attempted to pick up Melo but was interrupted by Sasuke.

"I wish to _keep_ my man parts…_you_ carry Saiki." Sasuke twitched as he heard Saiki threatening to hurt Tobi's family jewels if he got too close. Sasuke knew Melo wasn't _that_ cruel. Tobi shrugged and picked up Saiki (though not without first receiving what would have been debilitating blows had he anything in his head) while Melo was lifted by the younger Uchiha. The customers let out a sigh as the source of the noise traveled away and the screeching dissipating.

~~

_Wednesday (12:34:52)_

"Melo," Saiki tapped Melo on the shoulder after they exited the Hokage's office. "C'mere. There's something I need to talk to you about." Sasuke, Gaara, Kakashi, Naruto, Iruka and Jiraya (who were standing outside near the stairwell) followed not-so-discreetly behind.

--

_Wednesday (12:39:32)_

"Sparring?"

"Yeah, that's what Melo said." Sasuke (disguised as Asuken of course) leaned back against the tree. Gaara blinked and sat while the other four stood nearby. "Doesn't look like they're doing much though, does it?" The mask of course was still in place, but until the second part of the chunnin exam (aka the practical/survival test) Tobi had allowed him to take off the blindfold. The two girls in question were currently stretching slowly and warming up.

"Hey Asuken... You seem so familiar. You live around here?" Naruto, idiotic as always, interrupted their conversation without preamble.

"Hn." Scoffed Sasuke and turned back to the empty glade that the two were going to spar in. "Just watch them. We have to make sure nothing happens to them correct? Our two all important emissaries." All six men redirected their gazes to the slight figures shadow boxing in the open area.

"Why are they doing those weird gestures?" Asked Naruto, breaking the silence, once again, with his stupidity.

"Naruto," Sasuke snapped at the blond teen, "if you're going to talk, go somewhere else. I'd like to see this. So either shut up and watch or go the hell away." Naruto blinked and shut his trap. _Did I ever tell him my name?_

_Wednesday (12:49:19)_

"Ready?" Melo glanced over to Saiki.

"_Something feels off with this whole deal. What with our eyes changing color and well... you have "special powers" too don't you? I know we were both somewhat good at sports and martial arts, but really. If their powers were as spectacular as in the anime and manga... we wouldn't have been able to beat them." Saiki glanced over to the stand of trees that the males were standing under. "Unless there's something else to it. There's something I want to check. You know those things we used to do when we were children? Where we..."_

"You sure about this? I mean, what if something goes wrong? And if this is what we think it is... What will you do with it?" Saiki stared back at Melo with alien eyes. The golden one now closer to green now that the other girl had calmed. She rolled her neck, working out kinks.

"Yup, now let's get this show on the road."

_Concentrate your "energy" through your entire body. Predict where the blows are going to land and counter, when attacking, force the energy into the body part that makes contact._

Melo reached out a fist and Saiki countered slowly. Their movements were slow like going through jello.

"SERIOUSLY!? What are they _doing?!_ Why are they going so slow, how do they expe—mmmph!" Blindfolds were apparently also effective as mutes. They finished tying the knot on his restraints and turned back to the "match".

"Faster?" Melo said. Saiki gave an affirmative grunt and with each movement they went faster. An uppercut and an arm to block it, if they had been walking it would be a power walk, almost a jog. Saiki pivoted and Melo dropped to the ground, rolling. Saiki leaned down to punch the other girl, her left smashed into the ground, leaving a small crater, the other Melo caught. Melo pushed and sent Saiki flying toward the trees on the opposite side of the clearing.

The males watched, awestruck and dumbfounded, as the two girls viciously tore into each other. "I thought they were friends!" and for once, nobody shushed Naruto. Suddenly, splinters flew and the base of the tree that Saiki had punched was the only thing left. Both girls stood, at an impasse, panting. Saiki glanced toward Melo and a mere drop of the eyelid and motion of the chin had Melo nodding and they began their cool down. Naruto looked toward his teachers, both former and current, for some sort of reassurance. "What just happened?" Jiraya, Kakashi and Iruka glanced anxiously at each other.

"_You were right."_

"Uh..." Iruka licked his lips nervously. "Think of it like the friendship you and Sasuke had." All of them glanced toward "Asuken," but he showed no indication of noticing, his eyes still riveted on the two who were working to loosen their muscles. Naruto frowned.

"_Yes, but this complicates things."_

"But it just feels different!" All of the men knew what he meant, but had no way of expressing that strangeness. They shrugged and Saiki came over grinning.

"We're done now."

"You and that Melo girl are weird!" Shouted Naruto. Saiki rolled her eyes, but the other men tended to agree. Not that they'd say anything.

"_But what does it mean?"_

Sasuke scowled at Saiki. "You could have injured each other, what would we have done then? We're supposed to _protect_ you guys." He growled. Saiki snorted.

"_I don't know."_


	12. Afterwords

A/N: And so somehow they won the rest of the tests. (Come on now, you didn't actually want to read fifteen chapters of fighting, did you? - and we will admit that we were too lazy to write it. Really now.)

**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS YAOI/BOYXBOY** if you are not inclined to read it, pleas skip from "_Friday (8:39:08 PM)" _to about "_Friday (10:53:38 PM)"_ but if you're feeling brave, read the whole thing through- James

PS: This is the end. We may or may not write an epilogue.

--

_Friday, two days after the completion of the Chunnin exams_

All the congratulations seemed directed toward Naruto but the others seemed indifferent about it, they were strangers and therefore not as important. Naruto had found a place, and surrounded by the rookie nine (excluding Sasuke of course) and his former teachers he (blah blah blah) ...

"Let's get to the party already!" Saiki snapped. She was tired of waiting for the narrator to complete the description of the party. They of course had yet to ask Tsunade(sama) who was to become chunnin at this point, but Tsunade had been drunk since just after the tournament. (Or had pretended to be because she didn't want to have to do any of the paperwork.)

_Friday (8:39:08 PM)_

"Hey! Anko! What are you doing!?" Anko gave a drunken hiccup. "I know you aren't drunk Anko, so stop pretending." Iruka said severely. Anko frowned at him. "You only had two glasses of tequila. That's not enough to get _you_ drunk." Anko snorted.

"Iruka you seriously need to lighten up! I just want to get you into the mood!" She half-whined. But she didn't stop pushing.

"By pushing me into a closet?" Anko dead panned.

"Of course not." Iruka's confusion gave her just the advantage she needed. Gai appeared out of nowhere to yank the door open and Iruka found himself falling into the (much larger than it appeared) closet. He braced himself for the impact, thinking that the next time he saw Anko (and Gai) he was going to take all of her dango and eat it in front of her face, then take some green spandex (copyright) and burn it in front of Gai's face. He was so wrapped in his thoughts of revenge that he didn't notice that he had stopped falling and that he was laying on something soft and warm. That is, until he stopped thinking. (Which in most cases is a bad thing. Except with Naruto; thinking usually gives him a headache.)

"Uh..." Iruka touched the mass with tentative fingers. It drew a drunken giggle. He reached up to grab the light switch and pulled, the bright light illuminating the (larger than appeared) closet. It earned him a pained groan.

"Maa, maa. Iruka sensei. Trying to celebrate our reunion by blinding me? Though I can't say I don't like your other present." Kakashi said carefully, because it was quite hard to speak coherently when drunk. The jounin leered at Iruka and the chunnin, confused, looked down. He sat straddling Kakashi with one hand on his chest (that drew a giggle.) Immediately he tried to draw back but Kakashi's hand had wandered behind his back and now held him closer. Kakashi sat up. "I didn't give you permission to leave." He slurred.

Iruka frowned and stopped trying to leave. But that didn't mean he went down without a fight. Kakashi leaned in to kiss Iruka. That is, until his face met Iruka's palm.

"You aren't actually drunk are you." He said flatly. It wasn't a question. The change was immediate, as Kakashi dropped the act, his expression becoming sharp. Kakashi shrugged. Iruka peered into his face trying to glean some emotion, a thought, anything from him. "Then why?" Kakashi shrugged again and the hand at Iruka's back became more heavily applied.

"Oomph." Kakashi leaned upward to speak into Iruka's ear.

"Because you aren't drunk either." Iruka blinked.

"Oh." After a moment of silence Kakashi spoke again.

"How did you know I wasn't drunk?" Kakashi asked. Iruka snorted.

"I may be a chunnin but I'm not _stupid_." He raised an eyebrow at Kakashi. "You don't even smell like alcohol."

Kakashi blinked. "Oh right." Iruka still hadn't attempted to pull back though. "So can I still kiss you?"

Iruka gave a slow, sly smile. "Maybe if you're really good."

"I'll be good sensei."

--

_Friday (10:28:15 PM)_

Iruka and Kakashi finally came out of the closet. Iruka staggered over to the coffee table, fastidiously fending off Kakashi's advances. He picked up his cup of sake and downed it. He sputtered. Since when was sake carbonated?! He stared at it intently and tried to figure out what happened, but was having a very hard time of it with Kakashi practically attached to his neck. Iruka stood suddenly and Kakashi fell backward. Both heard a huge ruckus coming from the living room.

Seeing Jiraya, Tsunade, Anko, Ibiki, Genma, Raidou, Izumo and Kotetsu doing the Soulja Boy dance wasn't actually as surprising as it should have been. That might have just been because of the alcohol though. Slightly more surprising was the fact that Neji, Gaara, and... Tim Gunn(!?) had joined them. Iruka shook his head in disbelief and briefly wondered if someone had put a hallucinogen in the drinks. He honestly wouldn't put it past some of the hornier jounin. Unfortunately Tim Gunn wasn't going away. In fact, he was talking to Tsunade about revising the design of the standard Chunnin vest. Granted, that wasn't exactly a bad thing, the things were very uncomfortable and not exactly the optimal in storage space.

He stumbled through the room, trying to remember why he'd come out of the closet in the first place. Oh right, he'd been thirsty. So why hadn't he gone right back into it after he was done? Oooh. Right. His drink hadn't been sake. Now why was it that Sasuke singing on the karaoke machine, holding a cup of clear liquid while several cherry faced ninja cheered him on reminded him that his sake was gone? And why did his mind think that Sasuke being here was weird?

"_And I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more!_" And why was Naruto draped on his shoulders? "_If I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you._" And then Sasuke pressed his lips against Naruto's. And Sasuke looked about as surprised as Naruto did, especially when the blond reciprocated his... enthusiasm. Why was it that Iruka thought this was somehow his fault? (And why was Jiraya breaking away from the Soulja Boy group and hurriedly scribbling things in that notebook of his?)

_Oh well_, he decided. Especially since Kakashi had just suggested blowing this joint. He laughed – ninja did _not_ giggle, thank you very much (except some of the girl-ier kuonichi... and they could still gut you twelve ways to Sunday if they really wanted to) – and they staggered drunkenly out of the room.

"_Naruto the orange clad dumb ass!_

_Had a very shiny kniiiife_

_And if you ever saw it,_

_you would even say it blinds"_

Several of the people around the room turned as the high-pitched tone rang through the room. (Others lay incapacitated on the floor or on the couches.) Some began snapping their fingers in time (drunkenly, which is to say not in rhythm at all) with the tune, though somehow nobody questioned the fact that whoever was singing was singing the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. And it was mid-July.

"_All of the other ninja_

_used to laugh and call him names_

_They never let poor Naru_

_Join in any ninja games"_

Many held back applause for the spur of the moment improvisation. By now everyone was quietly listening to the song. Or at least as quietly as a whole village of drunk ninja can be. Several were searching for the voice, but it seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere at once. It wasn't even loud either. So much for ninja "Skeelz."

"_Then one foggy Christmas eve,_

_Godaime came to saaaaay,_

_Naru with your kunai so bright_

_Won't you kill that guy tonight"_

A couple of the rowdier and more bold of the Genin stood up to sing with the mysterious soloist. Their words were slurred and less than intelligible. Several were quite lewd, others just a tad morbid. In all actuality, the original singer was now lost in the sea of voices. The party resumed with full vigor without further delay. The sentiment of the song, however, was not lost to Naruto and his closest friends. Even with the brief ridicule in there. It was all in good taste. The song, however, would later be renamed "Naruto the blue-eyed ninja," rather than "Naruto the Orange Clad Dumbass."

--

_Friday (10:53:38)_

Saiki and Melo sidled up to the couch Naruto and Sasuke were currently on. Or rather, Sasuke was on and Naruto was sitting in his lap. They snickered and tapped the two on the shoulder (evoking annoyed grunts) – though not before taking several pictures, and were about to throw a bucket of water on them when Tobi tapped Saiki on the shoulder. Which, in turn, caused her to twitch/spin violently and splash the entire room with ice cold water. Which was epic fail.

"What do you want Tobi?"

"Oh sorry, I actually need the girl with the hair." Saiki's eye twitched.

"I have hair." She pointed out flatly.

"Uh... the girl with more hair." He said. Saiki rolled her multi-hued eyes and beckoned to Melo with a small head jerk. Melo nodded and the two skipped off into the sunset. That is to say, they went to the bathroom for privacy.

_Friday (11:09:09 PM)_

"So what did you need Tobi?" Melo asked, yawning.

"I need you to show me how you use your zen." Melo stilled, her eyes widening. Not only had Tobi referred to himself in the first person, he was also talking about something he shouldn't know about.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, eyes narrowed. Suddenly his hand struck out at her and she put a shield of zen up, unconsciously. But his arm moved slowly through the field and pushed her. She unbalanced and fell backward in a slow motion that she was unable to stop.

_Friday (11:11:11 PM)_

Saiki ran into the bathrooms when she heard the toilet flush and a garbled screech that sounded like Melo come from the tiled room. The door opened with a smash, wood splintering and bouncing over the tiles. Water was splashed over the floor and huge craters in the walls, made by Melo's fists, scattered broken pieces of porcelain. Saiki glared at Tobi.

"What did you do to Melo?" Her voice was dangerously soft.

"Tobi flushed her down the toilet of course." Tobi said.


End file.
